After a lifetime of being considered non-essential, middleman Lance Smith made the decision to spend more time focusing on himself,…
College Student Who Burned Grilled Cheese Is Finding New And Exciting Ways To Fail
Local college sophomore Shelby Reynolds, who recently burned a grilled cheese sandwich she was making, claims that her failure simply…
What Other Stuff Can Russia Help Us With?
A Christmas list from one nation to another. Russia so helpfully expedited our Presidential election—kindly helping us decide which…
Trump Already Working On Putting His Name On The White House
Guest writer Annie Lazarski joins the PTN newsroom to give us this story. 5:00 pm, Eastern Time With the ballots…
Nation Needs ‘Gilmore Girls’ Revival, Now More Than Ever
In a country shaken by the results of what has been a traumatic election season, only one thing can remedy…
5 Questions I Had During The Presidential Debate
Why do I feel the need to cross my legs when I see the GOP nominee waving his hands around?…
A List of Things Men Can Say to Other Men Without Contributing to Rape Culture
Some cool conversation ideas for men! Because “boys being boys” is not a free pass for molesting people! What…
Source Claims Trump Actually Evil Bag of Cats
Outlandish? Not if you think about it. The GOP nominee, according to a recent theory, might just be an evil…
American Citizens to Begin Preemptive Book Burnings
In preparation for the results of the 2016 Presidential election, several thousand American citizens have begun to burn the books…
NASA Changed My Zodiac Sign and I’m F*ing PISSED
Hey NASA, it’s me, Amanda Brennan. I just have one question for you. Where in the HELL do you get…
Probably True News 