satire

American Citizens to Begin Preemptive Book Burnings

In preparation for the results of the 2016 Presidential election, several thousand American citizens have begun to burn the books they have in their homes.

“We’re just getting ready for the inevitable,” said 45 year old soccer mom Sally Clarkson. “It’s going to be either Clinton or Trump, so me and the kids’ dad discussed it and we started going through our things and tossing stuff that could get us shot whenever the country inevitably degenerates into a poorly ran dictatorship.”

Clarkson is not alone in this strange preparation for whoever the next President will be.  Whole libraries have begun to empty their shelves of anything that could spark any resentment against the next leader of the American people.

“We’re talking everything from Dr. Seuss to John Locke,” said one librarian who asked to remain anonymous.  Libraries, according to our source, have started to transfer their more inflammatory literature in locked cellars in secret locations all around the country.

Some book-burners are even glad to do it.

“I’ve decided it won’t be too bad,” said one American voter. “I can’t remember the last time I seriously thought about anything, anyway, so the books don’t really matter. It seems like we’ve steadily gone toward this.”

 

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