satire

Source Claims Trump Actually Evil Bag of Cats

Outlandish? Not if you think about it.

The GOP nominee, according to a recent theory, might just be an evil bag of cats. This theory answers some very important questions about the possible future Commander-in-Chief, such as why he moved around so much during the last debate (he’s a bag of cats), his fickle temperament (he’s a bag of cats), and the fact that his hair always looks like it was recently licked by a cat (one of the cats did it).

Trump being an evil bag of cats gives loyal Republicans the free pass they’ve been searching for all election season. Party members may breathe a sigh of relief now that they realize the candidate they chose is not an incoherent, racist, full-grown human man, but a bag of cats that have managed a surprising level of efficiency in the English language.

Trump being an evil bag of cats answers a lot of questions, but it creates just as many. People are wondering, for instance, what exactly these cats want. What is their purpose? What made them evil? Have they been peeing inside him, this whole entire time?  

Some of these questions, we realize, will remain unanswerable if the evil bag of cats becomes President, and the cats become unflinching dictators, bending the public to their quirky feline needs. Our source was able to confirm one thing, though. The cats definitely know where Aleppo is.
(Sorry Gary.)

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1 thought on “Source Claims Trump Actually Evil Bag of Cats”

  1. Whew! It’s getting more acerbic as time marches on….4 more weeks.

    Can’t wait for the next issue

    Luv.

    On Wed, Oct 5, 2016 at 7:04 PM, probablytruenews wrote:

    > probablytruenews posted: “Outlandish? Not if you think about it. The GOP > nominee, according to a recent theory, might just be an evil bag of cats. > This theory answers some very important questions about the possible future > Commander-in-Chief, such as why he moved around so much d” >

    Like

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