guest writer

Trump Already Working On Putting His Name On The White House

Guest writer Annie Lazarski joins the PTN newsroom to give us this story.

5:00 pm, Eastern Time

With the ballots counted, many people have been comparing this election to that of the election of 1828, when the face off between Andrew Jackson and John Quincy Adams resulted in the dirtiest campaigns in history.  Jackson won, and, on Inauguration Day, an uncontrollable party was hosted in the White House.  With the Populist candidates winning both then and now, many have taken to Twitter to ask Trump if they can expect a similar gathering come January 20th.

“Ask the low energy architect if he’ll be done by then,” Trump tweeted.

Sparking much confusion, people began to wonder what he could have meant in saying that.  One Hillary supporter told PTN, “I bet he’s widening the door frames of the White House so that his big head can fit in them”,  while one of Trump’s supporters thinks it’s “a place to put the jobs that Trump is going to bring back from China, China, China.”

While we are uncertain why an architect is needed, it is clear that Trump is not going to waste any time in trying to make change.  We received word that he has already reached out to a friend of his about planning a shirtless horseback riding race among foreign leaders.  “Nowhere cold, though.  I don’t need my hands shrinking any more than they already have,” an anonymous campaign insider claims he heard Trump say earlier today.  

BREAKING NEWS!!! PTN SPECIAL REPORTING!!!

5:38 pm, Eastern Time

We have just received word that Trump tried to jump the fence onto White House grounds in attempt to write ‘TRUMP’ on the side of the building.  He was caught holding a can of gold spray paint.

When asked why it could not wait until January, Trump looked confused.

“But, officer,” he replied. “I never enter a building unless my name’s on the side!”

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