satire

Middle School Student Listening to iPod Stares Out Window, Reflects Upon the Day’s Tragedies

Local middle school student Kim Adams put her headphones in immediately after getting into her mom’s mini-van after 7th period, and has only reluctantly taken them out since. According to her mother, Kim spent the duration of the ride staring out the window on the passenger side, a “timeless seriousness” engraved on the 12-year-old’s face. “I don’t know what happened,” said Gretchen Adams, the mother of the increasingly moody young student. “One day, she was a happy, talkative kid, and now she listens to Nickelback and Ron Pope and looks out that window as if she’s contemplating the strategies for peace in the Middle East.” Kim herself was unavailable for comment, as she dutifully remained in her seat even after the car was parked and the automatic garage lights off. Maybe she was thinking back on the trials of the day, or maybe she was immersed in the music video she was pretending to be in. At any rate, her mother assured us that she came inside for dinner and was acting a little more normal by dessert. “What really worries me,” Gretchen said, “is that she’s listening to Nickelback.”

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