satire

Penis-less, Non-Man Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton Might Win this Thing: What the Men in Your Life Have to Say

The men in your life comment on the possibility of a female president.

“When I was a boy, Russia was still the USSR. Now Russia is Russia, and I guess a woman is running for president.”

Your grandfather

“If we have a girl President, how will she bond with the other boy Presidents? I thought locker room talk made up the majority of the Executive Branch’s major decisions.”

Your college-aged brother

“I like my women powerful. Bold. Enticing…with the sexual prowess of a fierce feline predator. One of my favorite stories from history is that of the Amazons…a whole society of women who asserted themselves unapologetically over their lesser male counterparts….did you know that they oftentimes would surgically remove a breast, to more comfortably wield their bow? I think about that sometimes. I think about that a lot, if I’m being honest… Every morning, when I sip my morning coffee. What was the question?”

Your mailman

“I popped like ten Advils before I came to this thing. What do I have to say? Okay. If I have to. Oh shit oh shit. Okay I can do this. Yes, I support Hillary Clinton for President! Now somebody get me a drink.”

Your President, Barack Obama

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