satire

North Korea Tries to Do a Thing: Does Not Do That Thing

What do your flaky friend, your unwilling-to-settle-down love interest and North Korea all have in common?

Commitment issues!

On Thursday night, North Korea was supposed to launch a missile and it failed. The international community is starting to become a little upset.

“Just once I would love for North Korea to actually follow through on something,” complained France early this morning.

Lack of follow-through seems to be a major issue with the charming, mostly rural nation of North Korea. Some countries go so far as to say they suspect North Korea is simply posturing in an attempted power play.

“I mean, if you say you’re gonna blow something up, blow something up!” Italy commented.

Despite the outlash, others in the international community have reached out to North Korea in encouragement. Even the United States of America, a country whose citizens have deep pride in not knowing where North Korea is, stated in a press conference that while it disagrees with everything North Korea stands for, it understands where the rambunctious little country is coming from.

“Listen, I don’t like the guy, but we’ve all been there,” the US said, fondly remembering the days in which the Number One nation itself was just a little tyke.

Besides the failed missile launch being important because it failed, it’s also important because they launched a missile. Especially considering that if North Korea is in a war, the other country has not been made aware of it.

The act of aggression seems to imply that North Korea is wanting something, which, our political analysts at PTN say, does not make sense. They have a lovely country side, citizens who live in either completely terrified or brainwashed states, a cute dictator—and according to France, who is a democracy but Always Sort of Liked That Type of Thing, that’s really everything a country needs.

“It just makes you think,” France said, leaning in and widening her eyes, “that North Korea is compensating for something, you know?”

“For the size of their country, I mean,” France added hastily. “Gotta keep it PC!”

 

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