satire

American Public Astonished to Discover ‘Hamilton’ Based on True Events

“Holy crap, that actually happened?” asked a man on a beach somewhere with a bit of a belly and a Miller Lite in his hand. “I just thought it was all so catchy it couldn’t be true.”

The man on the beach is not alone. In his surprise that the events of the hit Broadway musical Hamilton truly transpired, he wisely echoed the shock and awe of a whole nation. 

“Before I saw Hamilton, I really thought a bald eagle brought America from heaven to the world,” laughed a middle-aged woman, good-naturely. “I really didn’t know much. But I got to see the musical last summer, and now I know everything.”

The woman took a moment to clarify.

“I know everything about the American Revolution, and that’s only because I know the full soundtrack by heart,” the woman said, modestly. “I’m waiting for Lin to write a musical about the conflict in Vietnam, or even the Obama administration, because I really can’t follow politics now unless they’re sung to me.”

Before Hamilton came to Broadway and helped teach Americans why we have a celebration on the Fourth of July, the average citizen really didn’t have that much of an idea. To get an idea of how in the dark the country was, we interviewed some people who have not yet seen the sensational musical.

“I thought it was because we were the first nation to discover soda-pop,” said a 70-year old man.

“We have a party on the Fourth of July because we simply aren’t communists. Communists do not have parties on the Fourth of July, almost explicitly so, and because we are absolutely nothing like those jerks, we do have a party, just to spite them,” explained a 12-year-old girl with blonde pigtails.

It seems that beyond freedom and lowered taxes on tea, we ought to be thankful for Lin-Manuel Miranda.

Happy Fourth!

 

 

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