Being A Woman Is Now Considered A Pre-Existing Condition

As a part of a new healthcare plan passed by the super-good United States government, pre-existing conditions will no longer be covered by insurance companies. Tons of politicians who care more about real people than they do about making money off of lobbyists and promoting their own private interests are PUMPED about this new plan!

This new healthcare plan, called We Hate Poor and Middle Class Americans (WHPMCA for short) gives us a whole new understanding of what a pre-existing condition can be. In this new piece of legislation, being a woman is now considered a pre-existing condition that insurance companies do not have to cover. That means that if you walk into a hospital or your local doctor’s office, and you’re a woman, it’s about to get a lot more expensive. But the very smart politicians in the United States government who are such good people, really, have some pretty good reasoning as to why being a woman should now be recognized as a medical liability.

“Women bleed, every month, and nobody talks about it enough,” said Representative Tim Jones of Kansas. “They just bleed, and they don’t even die from it…and we’re supposed to act like that’s normal? And we’re supposed to get insurance companies to cover that?”

And monthly bleeding? That’s only the beginning.

“Women….they make babies. They literally have the audacity to grow another person inside of them. Have you seen the movie Alien? It’s like that. So yucky!” said Representative Dave Jones of Wyoming.

Women do stuff that is both gross and weird, so the government wants to give the insurance companies the opportunity to avoid paying for medical care that’s too icky.

But the real point of WHPMCA?

“We’re trying to discourage people from being women,” said Senator Miles Blake, who is on the Senate committee that overlooks healthcare in the United States. “It’s a huge money drain, and honestly, I think taxpayers deserve for their hard-earned dollars to be used for something a bit more…manly.”

Some people say that our government can’t get anything done, but we can say for sure that our country knows how to do healthcare!