satire

Woman Reluctantly Agrees To Take Up Space

After mounting pressure from family and friends, local woman Lisa Williams has, albeit reluctantly, agreed to take up space. Like many of her gender, Williams has felt the agonizing pressure of needing to fit into teeny tiny spaces. For most women, this pressure manifests itself in crossing of the legs on trains, immediately moving to get out of the way of men, and apologizing even when they were the ones who were ran into. But for Williams, this pressure manifested more intensely. Without the moderation of reason, Williams sought to fit the social constraint by obeying it as literally as possible. It was truly terrible. She was frequently known to curl herself into a ball and roll across the floor in order to avoid the daily confrontations that women face when they seek to stand and move across a room. Her anxieties, though tremendous, were somewhat calmed by her loved ones’ assurance that she does, in fact, have the right to take up space. They just urged her not to be obnoxious while doing so, out of fear that she might overcompensate, and manspread.

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